You're not a homebody, you're depressed
How to Keep Your Humanity When Times are Depressing
“The less you eat, drink, buy books, go to the theatre or to balls, or to the pub, and the less you think, love, theorize, sing, paint, fence, etc., the more you will be able to save and the greater will become your treasure which neither moth nor rust will corrupt—your capital. The less you are, the less you express your life, the more you have, the greater is your alienated life and the greater is the saving of your alienated being.”
―Karl Marx,Economic & Philosophic Manuscripts of 1844
I don’t understand homebodies. I’m an introvert so I get the whole “home is my sanctuary” deal. But being home too often is detrimental to my mental health and soon, I NEED to socialize. Judging by my close friends and the trends that are popularized on TikTok, I think a lot less people would agree with me.
When I first moved back home to California after a 5-year stint in Madrid, Spain, I started to notice a general malaise that overtook the people around me. More and more of my friends were giving up drinking, isolating themselves, and becoming homebodies. “I’m the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been,” my friends would say after staying in week after week, talking about fun plans they were making that they’d cancel later with a sigh of relief. This was a huge shock to me after living in Madrid, the second city that never sleeps, where I hung out with big groups of friends every week, likely for up to 6 hours if it was a particularly sunny day.
When I moved back, I felt like an outsider, even with my closest friends. A lot of my friends had developed this bubble of protection meant to keep them safe and comfortable and stuck in a routine of sameness. I felt like an intruder, allowed access for only an hour or two once a month before I was shut out again. That inner world could be anything from their partner who they spent all their time with, to their children (okay, that’s a give-in), to even their house.
I had always thought it was because I was single and an expat, bouncing between Spain and L.A. that I felt this way. But I still feel it, even with a partner. A lot of people have trapped themselves in a self-isolating bubble and to be honest, I don’t think people who do this are happy.
Sure, I chalked it up to reverse culture-shock and made excuses for them that it was just “LA hustle-culture, and inflation” keeping them down. But deep down I didn’t really understand or agree.
Globally, the loneliness epidemic has been of increasing concern. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General put out an advisory about the loneliness and isolation epidemic. Since the pandemic, loneliness in America has shot up by 5%, small but significant.
It’s not just that people are lonely, but Derek Thompson, writer at the Atlantic argues that people are self-electing to spend more time alone, something I've noticed in my own circle of friends. The data from between 2003 and 2023 backs it up, with a study showing that isolation has increased and socializing with friends has decreased due to a trend of individualism, likely because our entertainment has moved more inward, which was sped up thanks to COVID.
I don’t want it to seem like I don’t understand why people are staying in more. I do. How can you live when everything is so expensive? Inflation hasn’t gone back down since pre-pandemic rates that sat at between 1 and 2% and we’re still reeling from the crazy 8% inflation rate of 2022. We’re only now starting to slowly see a decline with inflation resting at 2.9% at the end of 2024 (let’s see how long that lasts with Trump as our president.)
Why would we leave the house when we’re all tired and burnt out from the news cycle and work and post-pandemic fatigue? The resilience of Americans is slowly being chipped at, shown in a recent study that showed more than half of Americans think things are way worse than they were 50 years ago and they project things to be way worse within the next 50.
With all that being said, the resilient rebel in me is begging us all to say stop, pause, and regroup. Whenever I catch myself falling into habits that don’t support my values (travel, health, and connections), I do something about it.
We need to realize that isolation is hurting us on a macro and micro scale. If we’re constantly burnt out and needing rest and repeating the same cycle, is our rest actually restorative? I don’t think it is. I don’t think people are actually happy being homebodies. Some are, but not everyone. Don’t people want to try new things? Don’t people want to meet new people and make new friends? Don’t people want exciting social lives? Don’t people want to be able to afford to go out and relax at a restaurant or resort? If you don’t, I think you should examine why not. Because I think we are all lying to ourselves, pretending we aren’t biologically social creatures all because we can’t cope, are suffering from major burnout, and aren’t mentally healthy.
How to Combat Burnout and Life Fatigue
It’s crucial that you start developing some sort of resilience in the face of burnout, fascism, and systems set up for you to fail. The other option is that we continue in our unhappy routine of work, sleep, eat, work, sleep, eat, all to help others profit. If you feel resistance to this, that’s normal. I hate actively making myself feel better when I’m in a funk. Our brains want to resist. But in resisting, we really are just hurting ourselves and giving in to a world that could care less about your success in the first place. It’s time we advocate for ourselves.
Here is a really simple, guide that can help. And when I say simple, I mean simple. Some of these might seem so easy, that you’ve heard it all before, but that’s exactly why I’m mentioning them. These are the simplest things you can implement in your life right now and they will make a world of difference. I can attest to this because when I started going on hikes and painting, my depressive episodes came on less frequently and with less force.
Get Out into Nature
Living in a big city made me forget what the mountains and oceans can do for my depressed brain. There’s also, sometimes, this sense that nature is only for certain types of people, namely, fit white, wealthy people. But that shouldn’t be the case and instead, we should be actively seeking to connect and witness the beauty around us, whether it’s a park, a lake, a mountain, a desert, or an ocean. Especially considering Trump wants to destroy national parks. Basically, if he hates it, we love it.
Routinely Meet with Friends
Getting with your friends over the weekend or constantly putting yourselves out there to meet new people was one of my favorite parts about living in Spain. I don’t want to keep spouting poetic about a place that you don’t live in, but being able to see another style of living is what keeps me grounded back in the hustle culture of L.A. While I had some challenging moments living on my own, I consistently met new people and met with big groups of friends and it kept me afloat through my darkest times.
Educate Yourself
My dad used to tell me to stay educated because your education is something no one can ever take away from you. In a fascist world, the educated are the most dangerous, and as a rebel, that brings me a lot of joy. Scroll less and read more and also be particular about what you read. I’m hoping to create reading guides (and hopefully a book club) one day to help people become more well-rounded in their reading lives. From spicy to sociology books, read it all.
Learn a New Skill
Want to give back to yourself? Learn a new skill. This could be anything, but I would suggest choosing from one of 2 pillars: something that can further your career or something you do with your body. This could be anything, from learning coding to rock climbing, but anything that makes you a better version of yourself or brings you closer to your ideal self is key.
Find a Higher-Paying Job
Yes, I know this statement can sound like toxic productivity guru bullshit, but please keep reading. Obviously getting a higher-paying job is easier said than done, especially in this market. You’re already really burnt out and over everything and the last thing you want to do is dedicate more time to work. Also, there might be a recession incoming, so what’s even the point? If that’s where you’re at mentally, or if you’re thinking, “I don’t want to work more, I just want to accept what I have now and be happy,” then that’s fine. I am not pushing anyone to do more than they want to. But if you’re like me and you have that little voice in the back of your head that says that you want more, don’t wait to try. Quitting my job and finding high-paying gig work was the only reason I was able to save money and who benefits from that in the end? Me. Do things that are hard that will benefit you in the future, and you will be much better off.
Travel
This one is huge. In order to cultivate a sense of empathy and understanding of other countries, you must travel. In order to cultivate a sense of empathy and understanding of your own country, you must travel and then return. Bring back the best parts of another culture that you resonated with to your own city and see what happens. Is that longer dinners, like they do in Spain? Is it spending more time in plazas or parks like they do in China? Is it aperitivo dates, like they do in Italy? Try out a new routine with your friends and see what sticks.
Connect to Your Inner Child
It’s not all about making money. Doing hobbies just for the fun of it is equally important for your psyche, and recently, I’ve connected with 2 art forms that I used to love as a child: art and video games.
My boyfriend and I started painting recently, my first time with this medium. Am I ever going to try to sell my paintings or make a profit from them? I highly doubt it but making different colors with my paint and brush has positively impacted the way I see the world. Colors are more noticeable and I get to feel a sense of accomplishment after I finish a piece.
I also recently became obsessed with video games again after I was kindly gifted a switch. Decorating my Animal Crossing island and exploring Hyrule in Breath of the Wild have been amazing for my stress management and helped me quit drinking. Find something that speaks to what you enjoy. When in doubt, fall back on the hobbies you participated in as a child when monetization and imperfection didn’t matter.
Join a Club
History shows that cultural norms swing back and forth. From a robust social society between 1900 to 19060 that dipped in the 70s then swung back the other way in the 2000s with the development of tech. But, thankfully in the last couple of years, there have been people attempting to create social spaces in their communities. Consider joining a run club, a book club, or a walking club because having a place to meet people once a week at the same time is a great way to establish new connections.
If you do just one of these tips, I guarantee you will start to feel a shift. Remember, these tips are not to shame you or make you feel bad for not doing enough. That’s not what this is about. I admit, I also struggle with my own mental health and ability to leave the house sometimes. I work from home, sometimes going a week without leaving my house because I simply can’t. But the thing is, I try not to glorify it or make excuses that it’s to protect my peace. I know it’s not good for me. After moving back to California and feeling my mental health improve with the adoption of some of these tips, I can now see how bad my isolation really was just a year ago. Things are going way better now, and it’s because I made a promise to myself to live a robust 5-9 life after my 9-5. If not, the only one who is going to be hurting in the end, is me. So why not do something, anything, about it.
Sources:
-https://lithub.com/a-way-of-living-on-direct-action-and-survival-work-in-the-face-of-american-fascism/
-https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2025/02/american-loneliness-personality-politics/681091/
-https://www.science.org/content/article/can-science-find-ways-ease-loneliness
-https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf
-https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36618547/
-https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/04/24/americans-take-a-dim-view-of-the-nations-future-look-more-positively-at-the-
past/#:~:text=Americans%27%20negative%20views%20of%20the,%2C%20while%2080%25%20are%20dissatisfied.